Misfortune Cookies

Great as gag gifts! It will bum out your friends.

You look fat when you cry.

People often mistake you as gay, but never bring it up.

You will be the first among your circle of friends to contract a major STD.

The greatest danger could be your stupidity.

Something challenging will come your way. And you will fail.

You will meet someone special in three months. She will regret sleeping with you.

Your hard work will pay off today. But nobody cares.

Your greatest strength is that you are weak.

The jeans don’t make you look fat. You being fat makes you look fat.

Focus on your self confidence. Because no one believes in you.

You will be making some wise decisions, for an idiot.

You will live a very long life. And it won’t be worth it.

One must embrace change. Especially you.

Time heals all wounds. Nothing can fix your personality.

He who laughs last just saw your picture.

Good things happen to those who wait for you to leave.